However my mental degradation of pseudo-health is due to my large lack of RP! So I’m going to make it my personal goal to, before I start college (April, by the way. 7th I believe.), get a RP group going.

Current problems I’m facing:

• I have  a whole one person interested, and she’d probably do anything I asked her to anyway so she only half-counts.
• I have no idea what genre it would be.
• There aren’t many people who are okay with the depth that my current “team” (Myself and the above mentioned party) go to. Most people range on a 4-5 of what they can RP, where as the two of us are more of a 9-10 on a level of intensity. And I don’t mean that in an elitest sense. I mean that I can RP some very, very horrible things and be perfectly okay with it, because I’m intelligent enough to know that it’s not real and I would never -ACTUALLY- do that in real life. However I’m game for a good story, and every good story has to have something horrible in it to be worth the ending.
• I can’t deal with stupid people when it comes to RP. If I have to explain anything more that twice (I’m a kind person, see. Two chances), you’re stupid. Unless I’m tired, in which case I’m a dumb.
• Timing. I have no idea when we would actually get together in a chatroom (Have one of those, by the way.) and get to RP.

So there you have it. My quick plan. Shoot me an IM on AIM (VictorKondri) or an email (dlewis@cylys.com) if you’re interested. Yes, I will test you. No, you will not pass (Or you will, in which case I’ll deny telling you otherwise.)

It really is a solid game. Just wish they’d update the graphics, complete overhaul, to EQ2’s graphics.

Put in some applications today too. That was fun. Whole three minutes of pressing “APPLY” and getting my email spammed.

Wish I could get all the way out of this depression, but the only thing that is keeping me depressed now is loneliness. And that’s not something I can fix on my own. Know who I’d like to help me, but I wouldn’t ask her to right now. Not with me like this, or her dealing with her own drama.

Then again if she asked me I’d probably accept. But that’s even less likely to happen than me asking her.

Wish there were intelligent, unique single women near me. Could care less about appearances as long as I don’t go blind. Because while I am a superficial asshole, I’m not that superficial. Hell, look at my track record. None of them 10’s in anyone’s book but mine, because so much more goes into beauty than looks to me.

I’ll get into that more later though. Need to eat.

Music soothes.

Meh.

-D

These entries were written some five years ago. Looking back over them now is almost painful to me. But, they are here none the less. I hope to re-write all of this once my computer is back up at 100%, which will be sometime next week at the earliest. Until then, enjoy the horribleness that is a 15 year old trying to figure out his characters past.

The Birth of a Noble
Timeline: Yenth, Aranol 585
Age: 1
“Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought it possible to have something so good,
so right, turn into something so bad.”-Jonathan Nathaniel Kastell II (509-588)

The lights in the small room were dim, the flames of the candles seeming to slowly flicker out and die, only to come back moments later due to the heavy breathing of a woman in labor, her breath filling the room, causing the embers of the candle wick’s to ignite once more.. It seemed as if days had passed since he had ordered his men to dismiss themselves and speak not of the going-ons of the time.. Three more hours til’ the sun would rise.. Two more hours…One… The sun’s damned light began to make its way through the one window in the structure, shining perfectly onto the body of a beautiful woman, red haired, but something about her seemed to fill the room with pain.. Twelve minutes past the last chime of the new hour, five if the clockwork contraption is correct, a second cry is heard, one of a baby.. But the first fades away, and that body which the light shined on so heavenly, fell still… No breath escaped that woman… The candles flicker and die while the sound of an armor clad body hits a wall, and slides down, hitting the cold ground, full of dew. The child grows quiet, but not unheard, as a second tearful weep comes from the armored figure…..

She Speaks When None Will
Timeline: Yenth, Aranol 599
Age: 14
“I have heard stories of a great Queen who died whilst giving birth,
but for me to find it to be my mother, and to find that I am a Prince;
I never asked for this.” – Jonathan Nathaniel Kastell III

“I always figured I would be the one person in the world who would never amount to anything.. Always begging on the streets to get by in my life. Abandoned and alone in a world so vast that even the greatest of scholars could not compress it all onto a simple map. It was in one of these mindless, routine, bland and sorrowful days that I found myself confronted by something greater than us all… The human mind.
Sure, we have all heard our own stories about the dead coming back to haunt us, but usually we think of those who portray the “Dark Arts” of Necromancy as the ones at fault of it. However, I found out for myself that these occurances, these unexplainable events, are in fact, in themselves a mystery which I found myself tied up in.”-Jonathan Nathaniel Kastell III

The lights dimmed in the room, candle flames flickering dully in the late night. He sat there, pondering upon his life in itself, but could not find explanation as to who his parents were, or why he was abandoned so. Hours seemed to pass like minutes as he sit there, lost in his own thoughts. IT was in this time that a voice came to him, one soft, distant, tender voice piercing its way through the jumbled mess of his mind. He listened, Oh how he listened! And his thoughts suddenly became clear, as if a channel in his mind, once blocked by the walls of remorse and denial broke free of its damned dam, flowing gallantly through the mind of a man who now knew, who finally understood what it all meant. He lay on a bed of hay, laughing quietly to himself. He spoke only four words that night: “Hail to you mother..”

The Criminal in Me
Timeline: Yenth, Aranol 602
Age: 17
“You do realise Kastell, this does make you a criminal….”-Lord Killian

I must say it was quite a dark time of night, somewhere around the new day if I were to guess… He came from an alleyway just north of the castle, and walked his way around the perimeter of the main gates, arriving at the front entrance.. Two swift blows and the guards standing there each fell to the ground in a clunk of armor to stone clash. One single, sturdy strike to the locks of the main gates and they swung open with the force of the elders. With thirteen quick strides he was upon the front doors, kicking them in with such force that the walls themselves surely shook.. And then, in the blink of an eye, he vanished into the castle..

I was told a few days later that the crown of the King had been stolen, and that all of those within the castle were put into some form of a sleeping trance, unable to wake from it for some time.. All but one….

The Prince.

I brought this up to his Majesty, King Kastell, but he dismissed it publicly.. But I knew different.. Later on that same day he called none other than myself into his personal chambers and asked me to describe what I had seen.. I told him the same I have told you friend.. And it shook this man.. I remember his words clearly now as I did just before my blade ruptured his heart.. He spoke to me…

“Killian.. You are an honorable man, and for that I thank you.. But how can you possibly know the dealings of my son when even I, his father know not… How..”

The edge of my sword grew ever closer to his heart with each passing moment in time, those even more quick than the eyes of the greatest ranger could see or count, and it was done.. All I could say to his wife before she met his same fate was this..

“Vivian… I loved you.. And my son.. But this man, he has taken something from you that you can never replace..”

I shoved my blade into her lungs, guiding the sword between her ribs, ensuring that both were severed. As she lay there, gasping for her final breath, I spoke my final words to my property..

“Siring you, I trusted you.. But you couldn’t keep your mouth shut.. Now, thanks to your son.. I will rise to become King..”
….Oh the powers of Vampiric Domination..

Of course.. He thought it was for a just cause… Even when I warned him of his actions…..

Lost Paths of a Madman
Timeline: Yenth, Aranol 602-”1604″(Year Skip due to Time Barrier placed around Cerroneth. There was a 1000 year pause in time within it)
Age: 17-1025(19)
“The explosion.. Must have killed millions..”-Jonathan Kastell III

“I awoke that day to find myself already headed down the path of madness.. I was walking before I was awake, and still I walked, unsure of where my feet were leading me. Eventually I came to the shoreline, and fell into the water not to awaken for several days..I forced my eyes open to see the sun, brightly shining down upon me. I was no longer in water.. And what I had thought was the sun was merely a candle.. I was in a building, laying in a bed with healers surrounding me. I had apparently washed ashore in some distant land called “Cerroneth”… I went to speak but found my voice incomprehensible..I lay in that bed for over a year, recovering my sanity.. The day I arose, there was an explosion in some far off city, but the shockwave came towards us, brilliant white and shaped like a dome.. The explosion.. Must have killed millions.. I stood and rushed outside to try and help those too slow to get shelter inside. It was then I was hit by this barrier.. I remember nothing more after that..”-Jonathan Nathaniel Kastell III to the Lore Keeper of the Capital City.

Honoring Those Healers
Timeline: Coppersville, Cerroneth 1606
Age: 20-1027(20)
“Kastell came to me with a mission, of course at that time, we all had a mission… To survive.”
-Duke Atheon Pa’Seth

“It had long since been time for me to aid those who had saved my life.. So there I stood, in the middle of the temple, sitting on my knees while I studied the ways of the Healer.. Sure it seemed simple enough, but it was possibly one of the hardest challenges I had been presented with at the time. My studies seemed to take years, however in a few short weeks I finally grasped the aspect of the Healer, and went into a local town called Coppersville to test my skills. I found in this place that there were healers far more skilled than I.. A one Illander Vallen to be precise.. He taught me many things about being a healer before my departure to join the Cerronethian Army.. To help better myself by helping others who truly needed it. I met the one they called Duke Atheon, he was the one who let me join the Army.. And for that I thank him….After a few short months, I left the lands of Cerroneth..I went home, to regain what was rightfully mine..” -Excerpt from the journal of Jonathan Kastell III

Returning Home
Timeline: Yenth, Aranol Early 1607
Age: 21-1028(21)
“He rode towards the abandoned castle on horseback.. No one could see who he was, but somehow we
all knew that we were safe now..”
-Beggar on the streets of Yenth

I rode swiftly that day, for I knew my people needed me.. I dismounted my horse at the gates of the castle and took to the stairs two or three at a time. I was nervous..Angry..But proud and courageous all at once, and so, I kicked open the doors of the Grand Hall with such force that they nearly slammed into the walls on the other side.I entered slowly only to note that I was walking in several inches of dust and that most, if not all, of the city had gathered at the stairs. I could see a faint glow in the distance, leaning against the ashen throne.. Then there were two glows.. One red, one blue.. I approached slowly to see two wispy orbs.. Knowing the risk of curses, I picked them up one in each hand to find they had no weight.. Then they spoke.. I am unsure if it was to all or simply to myself, but the voices took me to my knees. My mother and father had used their last wishes and dieing breath to keep their spirits on the Prime.. I spent weeks with them, reminiscing.. And then they asked how they could help.. I answered by forging the orbs, their very spirits, into blades.. Short swords the both of them. I slid them into the scabbards at my side… I recall waking up several hours later to find the castle sparkling with cleanliness I stuck my hand into the air only to find myself being pulled to my feet by a man clad in plate mail. Once I had arisen and was standing firmly on both feet, everyone from the city stood in the Main Hall, and took a knee, bowing their heads to me.. I took my right hand and touched my head to feel a wispy crown atop it. I pulled it off to see it was an intertwined blue and red mist like substance. I smiled and took the first steps to regaining the trust of my people. Within a year the city was back in its prime, bustling with traders and vendors. Few people were poor and even fewer rich. It seemed everyone was content with being equal, which made things easy on everyone.The royal guard was reformed, and members, new and old came to serve their king. The Crimson Order they call themselves..In honor of my fathers crimson red reign.. My court healer , Odessa Gratier and her ten or so other healers founded my Healers Guild, in honor of my mother. It was not long after this, just before I decided to make my return to Cerroneth that Odessa married the Head of The Royal Guard, The Crimson Order, Taluv Orenth.. My two most trusted advisors, now married, would keep things moving in my absence, one three day period each month so that I might go back to the lands of Cerroneth.. Perhaps I shall find Illander there..

The Monestary
Timeline: Coppersville, Cerroneth Mid 1607
Age: 22-1027(22)
“We can teach you anything you wish to know…”
-The Order of the Martyred Phoenix

I found that the ways of the Knight seem more to my liking.. I shall pursue this profession with great care and willingness to learn.. But it is unclear to me how one such as myself, one who became a master of the Knightly Arts in such a short time is to survive in the plains of Tyrra is far beyond me.. But I shall find this answer. I leave you now, my friend with how to find me. On the next month’s last ray of sun whilst viewing Cerroneth from all directions that are east you shall see my magics work their threads through the planescape, or at the very least Tyrra itself.. There you will know, as the only magics active to the east rise that it is my signal.. You may come to me when you please….

Until we meet again dear friend.. You have listened to me when none will. And you are the only one who knows my life like a book.

Jonathan slides a transparent-blue , whispy blade into its seath, letting go of the handle to reveal the same material where his hand had been.

Your soul has aided me for a long time, Mother.. I thank you.

Yeah, thanks for that. I’ll keep it in mind the next time I go to slee- Oh wait. I DO WHAT I WANT!

Blam! That’s right. You don’t own me! Well… Technically you own a fragment of me, but that’s complicated and doesn’t matter. I want that character back damn you. He’s old. He needs to go sit in a recliner and pass out for another five or six years. Thief.

Joking aside, I’ve got to say a huge thank you to Lisa.

For those of you who don’t know, I used to do a ton of Role Playing in AOL chatrooms back in the day (~ 6 years ago). I vanished from that scene completely about three or four years ago, leaving people that I always talked to like Lisa with no clue as to if I died, moved(Did that one), got hit by a van (Did that one too.) or whatever.

I popped back into it all a couple of weeks ago, in the peak of my depression over the whole bullshit Katie thing that is completely retarded and still pisses me off even though I say I don’t care anymore. And as I said, I’ve got to thank Lisa for pulling me up out of the mess. It wasn’t intentional, but just by having a constant person to talk to I started feeling better.

And sure,  I have people like Justin, Andrew, Jacob, Ray and even Nathan if I’d ever call him to talk to, it’s just not the same as having someone that you’ve known the better part of your life to talk  to.

Now, that out of the way, I have an announcement to make:

IM BORED

Holy hell am I bored. I haven’t touched a game other than Half Life 2 (for about ten minutes) in almost a month. I can’t even play solitaire without it boring me. And I love solitaire.

Actually, I haven’t gamed since the Star Trek Online Open Beta ended. And if I went and got the game, my life would cease to exist, as it’s waaaaay to addictive to me. I’m talking like horny 16 year old playing WoW instead of looking at porn like a normal kid kind of addictive.

Same reason I won’t let myself get a NetBook right now.  I’d never leave my roo-…Wait, I already don’t do that hardly at all.

So in order to cure this boredom, I’ve started RPing again on AOL/AIM. Hell, I made a second screen name and played two characters at once in a room yesterday. I’m apparently good at it, because I didn’t confuse myself until I was ready to pass out from a case of the sleepy.

So if you’re big into text RP, shoot me an IM (VictorKondri, Jonathan Kastell, Hirot Nexin) and I’ll see if we can’t figure something out. I tend to be fairly decent in any setting as long as I have enough story on the place. And I pride myself on being able to RP in any rating (PG, G, R, X, etc) and just about every action theory I’ve encountered.

Only thing I won’t do is custom tailor my characters to be how YOU want them to be. So get over it.

Okay, rant/ramble over. Long Quickie is Long.

-D

Had some emotional stuff hit me hard, but I’m alright now. All of it’s behind me and I’d be happy if it would stay that way. So, in the spirit of moving on, let’s move on, shall we?

I’ve managed to develop a new character to RP as thanks to an old friend of mine Lisa. I’ve managed to get back about 1/100th of the music I had on my computer. That being the Pendulum Discography. And I have also started writing again, to some degree.

I’ve been wanting to re-write my SOLAR characters history for some time now, as my spelling, wording, and feeling at the time of creation was rather lacking. So I’ve been working on it. Over the next couple of weeks I’ll be leaking out the before and after versions of the history here on the website.

Looking forward to that.

Until next time,

Add on top of that all of my fears about my previous relationship being true, and I’m done. Life isn’t worth trying for anymore right now, so I’ll probably sit around the house bitching until my computer is fixed.

Hope I manage to get to go to SOLAR come the end of next month. At least then I’ll be surrounded by friends.

*Sigh*

Hate my life.

-D

I’ve decided to cut back on sugar, which has turned out great so far. Keeping me more attentive I’ve noticed, though I think that not drinking soda anymore has helped in that one as well.

Debating on taking up a hobby of mine again, though I’m still in very, very early self-debativenessess with it. I’ll talk more about that when I’ve made up my mind though.

Started playing World of Warcraft again. I can finally drag myself into it and not feel completely miserable, which has to do with that relationship thing, as she was the reason I even got the game again. Which is good. My only delimma now is that I have to play with A. My friends from Storm Radio, or B. My actual friends that I for really real know in real life. The reason this is such a hard decision for me is that I -could- see most of said friends again, if I pick this hobby of mine back up, which I can’t do with the Storm Radio folks. So I’m still iffy on it.

Also! Trans-Dimensional Café! I’ve debated dropping the project several times over the past month, as we’ve litterally made zero progress on it, but I’m not going to, because I said I wouldn’t. Granted I forgot I said I wouldn’t last week and swore up and down I’d do it. Ever forget stuff? Happened to me.

Hmm.. What else. OH!

I’m going to be phasing out this “Kloud” persona I’ve developed here on the internet. I can’t say I’m really ashamed of it, but it begins to disgust me when people call me “Kloud” in real life. Just because it’s not who I am. I have people that call me “Crae”, “Cyrae” and “Cyraeth”. That I can accept, because that’s who I am. All of those variants are plays on my name. Plays that none of you will probably connect, as my name is Dakota, but trust me. It’s right.

This does mean that I’ll be phasing out everything I can that has “Kloud” in it. I think I’m good on that, except for Steam. Don’t think I can change my account name there. But damn it I’ll try!

So, I end this ramble with a short message.

If you wan’t something. Achieve it. Believe you can do it. And if you can’t get what you want, move on. Let the past be the past, or it will haunt you forever.

Until next time,

Go now.

CLICK HERE

Also, if there is anything you’d like to see, please let me know in the comments.

Just for the record:

I am going to be posting writings, HOPEFULLY one short piece a week, possibly two to three five to seven sentence long paragraphs. Because if I set my bar that low, I can easily do better. Just don’t plan on me doing better, that way I can surpass your expectations and feel awesome.

I am going to be doing weekly updates on life in general. Note that this will become extremely repetitive, as I have no life.

I MIGHT post a monthly audio clip of sorts (unedited, as I have no skill nor the desire to edit them) answering questions. Maybe. You’re more likely to see that in the form of a post though. I’m just bored and tossing around that idea.

I need to catch some sleep now however, and it’s about 4 hours ahead of me.

Until the next,